The Silent Wordsmith

I was reading Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats the other day.It basically assigns a particular emotion to each colored hat and that's used to takes decisions and blah blah. Point being, I was wondering whether it is always possible to identify an emotion?

Depends.

Most of the times we can, In fact we could break our day according to the way we felt at each point of time.
But there are times when you just can't describe what you feel? And it's not that I don't feel anything at that point of time, I'm swept by a sea of emotions, but i just can't put it into words!!

It's that intense feeling I feel, My lower jaw trembles, I feel cold, Eyes wide open.....Everything around seems to move in a slow motion, the sounds echo, I am closest to myself at that point of time.That....... in fact is all I that i can identify for sure!! being closest to myself.

I felt this way when I sang on stage the first time.I didn't want anything else at that moment,I could've died and wouldn't have complained. When I finished,It all went silent for a few seconds, and the light was blinding and couldn't see anything.And then i suddenly heard the roar of the crowd,I stood there Numb....totally incapable of grasping the feeling.

And I felt this way once in an exam, when my twin's seat was suddenly changed. It was a trade off, I was supposed to complete my paper before time and and show it her.She was supposed to be seated exactly behind me.I saw the paper,it was a MATHS paper for god's sake......all that which wasn't supposed to happen; happened.I was blank and Numb,the same kinda emotion which can't be described basically.Somewhere near fear maybe.
Anyways,when results came,i got 56/100, she got 78 !! Apparently even in class 4th she knew the importance of backups.

I felt this kind of trembling feeling,impossible to explain when I won the All Asia quiz by a tie breaker,I felt this when i heard suddenly that my buddy having rum with me on that chilly night lost his father.

Situations change,feeling remains the same.It sometimes hovers around sorrow,sometime near escalation !! Maybe the pursuit of Grand Unification Theory [Also called the "Theory of everything] should start from here.

She walked into the room that day,and I was instantly in the trance mode.I just stood there, unable to comprehend what was happening.It was like someone had increased the brightness suddenly in my life.That feeling,hovered around inadequacy.Everyone in that room felt sad that they belonged to the same species as her.She exudes that kind of superiority in her surreal humble way.Whatever pinnacle I had imagined for myself in my Utopian reveries.....would still not be able make me enough even to stand near her.I think the feeling of attraction inched towards reverence. And I so damn very knew that i'd still feel the same when we both would be old, and I'd be watching her from afar. I just know.

..[Awkward face]...Ahem....anyways......feels nice to run out of words at times.Why do we need to be able to clearly define everything in the first place? I have a problem with that.

I think the more profound a feeling is,the more difficult it gets to define it in words.
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And the sun.....it shines !!

Recently got the "Sunshine" Award from Miles of Style,One the most insanely awesome fashion blogs around.And perhaps the only one with brains!! Judging by way Persis has been literally pushing the lazy blogger in me to keep writing my blog by her ever encouraging comments, I think it's a bit too generous on her part to have given me the honor.I stand Humbled on the prestigious platform.

As for the Sunshine Award, The funda goes like this, i can now pass it on to 12 other bloggers, but i guess i'll take my time for all 12,But here are a few i will like to forward the award to

• http://cursesnverses.blogspot.com/

Curses and Verses is a blog about you and me.It's about what one feels everyday,but The entries capture the "complex" simplicities of everyday life and breath magic into it.Although the entries are sporadic, I wait for it all da time.This,is my favorite blog.

• http://kittyhere.xanga.com/

This one brings the much needed insanity to the platter.Written in a refreshingly different manner, Author brings out the best with her humor and deep sensitivity.Check out the epic like long poems here :P

• http://solitudesublime.blogspot.com/

From the Supremely Talented and Frighteningly Humble Rohini Singh, Solitude Sublime  is one blog which is an implosion. It take you to your own inner world. Brutally Honest, Straight from the heart in a sense which is almost naive & magical. Solitude Sublime is a blog which generates an eerie supernatural silence around you when you  read it. This blog inspires the knight. So much so that I ended up making a song out of one of the entries on the blog. This blog deserves Sunshine Award and all others out there :)

• http://k-khanabadosh.blogspot.com/

Khanabadosh means a vagabond.I think he is a maverick. This is perhaps the most original blogs you'll ever come across. Kartik is like a Knight Templar with his Nikon as his sword out to unleash the secrets of the world. It's an honor to pass this award to KHANABADOSH. A close friend, this man is as close to genius as it gets :) 

• http://www.tarungoel.in/

There are blogs which challenge your thinking, There are blog which change the way you look at certain aspects. There are blogs which convey a certain message. Lo0p-Wh0lE is a blog which I suspect is out there to change the world. Here is a guy who on his enfield is out there in Himalayas to conquer it. He does things which you, your dad, your neighbour, you bike and alter ego always wanted to do. He does that and then goes on to do more awesome stuff. Doesn't stop.

One beautiful thing about this blog is that he writes a lot of his entries in HINDI. आज ऐसे बहुत कम लोग है जो स्पष्ट हिंदी में अपने आप को व्यक्त करने की क्षमता रखते है......ये मेरा सौभाग्य है की मैं ये ख़िताब तरुण को दे सका 

Premium Peril

[Random Excerpts from my novel...work under progress.....[6 pages so far]..it shall be on a bookstore near you by your grandson's 18th b'day :P]


Trrringg Triiinggggg....the cacophony engulfed the room.
He took his hand out from the blanket....searching for the damned phone !!

"Hello........" he somehow managed to take the words out from his sleep craving being

"We are dead !!!"

"Johnnnnyyyyyy........Saturday morning 10 AM...are you out of ur mind???.......this is like middle of night ....I'm soo gonna kick ur ass man"

"Broadband bill......it has come"

Long Pause. Both were scared. Petrified actually.Both of them just got new broadband connections.First in college to do so.Both thought they had the night 2 to 8 free plan. Sadly that wasn't the case.

In their ignorance they found the bliss of unlimited download.All new movies,Counter Strike Latest Edition,Tory Lane Mega Pack.....they were the stars of campus overnight.

"Fukkk......how much???"

"17900 !!"

"Death....."

"Go run find ur postman.....it shouldn't get delivered  home at least "

He sprang up from his bed before the sentence was complete,Phone left hanging.
10:15 AM....that guy must be around somewhere........He was running on road in his bathroom slippers like a pig. Somehow managed to procure the bill safely.

He looked at his bill....15900 !!

Both sat on the fountain near campus....their usual spot. Rum in hand.......with their long faces.

"Mabbe we won't tell anyone"

"Yeah, Its one of those things "

Both looked at each other....and burst out laughing. This is how every problem was received in this group.

Nobody knows how these two managed to pay off the bill. Rumors say their families were disturbed about sudden rise in engineering college fees. But no one knows for sure.

Then one day a letter comes.It was from the telecom company. "We cordially invite our premium customers to join us for the dinner in the city palace". Both called each other again.The familiar roar of laughter followed.

Random Excerpts

[Random Excerpts from my novel...work under progress.....[6 pages so far]..it shall be on a bookstore near you by your grandson's 18th b'day :P]


He looked on to the boy in his tattered clothes struggling with his rickshaw.The view from his top floor plush office was handpicked so that the regal lords could gaze on to the ocean.He,however, couldn't take his eyes off from the young boy fidgeting with his tools in vain.

Audacity of his plush office was annoying. Appalling in fact.As he stood on the granite floor,the contrast between the man and the surroundings was loud. Yet it seemed as if  maybe it was the room which deserved the man, not vice versa.

The elevator opened,the suave business clad man was headed straight to the street.He squatted besides the boy.The contrast, was almost amusing.

The boy gave a blank stare.Man was looking straight onto his broken chain of the rickshaw.

"See this??"
boy took a long grease stained plier in his hand.
"I'll hit you with this.I'm like dead pissed anyways and i dont want another NRI to use me for a "HANDS ON" experience with India"

"Can't fit the screw there?"

Boy Gasped.Such precise diagnosis?? This guy know a thing or two about rickshaws allright.

"Ji Saab, Broke from here.Now it just won't fit."

"2 Rupees"

"Ji Saab??"

"It'll cost you 2 bucks"

"You'll repair it?"

"Nah, Jugaad ! "

"Then 2 Rupees is very expensive actually !!"

Both smiled at each other. Man took out his business card and folded it several times.He then fixed it in the Gap which was causing the problem. The screw fitted like a dream.

"Tea?? You're paying"...the man pointed towards the small shack on the roadside.

The two sipped on as the evening faded out to the chilling night.

Somewhere I Belong..........

We all come across situations where we have the immediate "I don't belong here" reaction. This could be near that vindictive boss of yours,maybe with that hysterically bitchy and depressingly dark humoured group, maybe when you are listening to same old story of ur childhood e^10098! th time from your grandma ...{and certainly on this blog ! } ....

Whatever.............the point is such instances are easy to identify. Have you ever tried to describe your version of utopia in specifics...ever?

For some it'll be easy........1 Hectare of farm and world class Marijuana  on it pls...thank you. Some people like Mr Cameron go ahead and spend $500 million to make a visual world called Pandora !

I think for most of us it'll be a complicated process. It's amalgamation of bits and pieces from a lots of location.

Being the geek that i am, I am trying to undertake this herculean task in a scientific manner. You have to decide a  totally new co-ordinate systems and totally new dimensions, where we are taking the TIME and EXPERIENCE as our referral points. (By now it must be quite clear that  I suck in  maths and that its a disgrace to conventional mathematics to redefine dimensions !! :P )

What are the instances which made me feel that "THIS IS WHERE I BELONG !!"? What will form my utopia: lets see .....


Times when I am with my closest friend's.......laughing away to glory. Humor levels reach unimaginable heights..A height unknown to everyone I know....and the location axis is an obscure mountain right in the heart of the city which was an accidental  discovery ! nobody knows that location except our group.....It's there in car with these guys when I get my Utopian moment......The sounds of laughter start echoing on a low pitch...and time slows down, everything's in a slow motion......

....I guard these times with the gang with my life ! There is no money which can get you the experience i m describing........you  can relate to it only if you have or have had a truly special set of friend's.

• On  stage......with mike in my hand..........I wanted to sing in front of a mad  crowd since childhood.....and I did that in college.....in front of 2000 extremely mad and insane crowd.And then i did it again...and then again  :P.........I sang "she fukin hates me"....I could have died there on stage and still wouldnt complain....I "fukin" loved it

• IRODOV.......this russian dude deserves an entire entry for himself....thts later......those of you who thought of physics as an art know the pedestal of this book. This book had the most badass "ill suck your blood u limp whore" problems of physics in it. And every problem took you to a different world altogether.........the kind of feeling which use to get in the initial days of solving irodov's problem succcessfuly was "sorrry, no adjective found" feeling. I wanted to spread my my hands and run around the house shouting.........It's definately a part of my Utopia

• Moments which ive experienced travelling alone................Once when I hitchiked my way to another city on the back of a truck..with other villagers ...It was a mixed feeling....."THis is awesome"+"I dont belong here".......this boils down to ..."WHY DON'T I BELONG HERE " .....and i'm repenting why i declined the offer to  marry that tattooed gal called Jalebi on the back of the  truck that day. :D

• The moments when during the impossibly difficult paper, the topper guy in front nudged just a bit so that i could get a glimpse ;) ...........during one of those papers where i sat blankly staring at the fan ....I had calculated that keeping the weight and hence the width of the guy in front constant....I could see the entire paper if he turned just 11.5 degrees to the left..................If i were a X man.....copying paper from behind in situations impossible to others would be my power !

The list will obviously continue...........What makes your utopia btw :P

"Key" to the "bored"..keyboarding

Early mornings perhaps are the best to write something.Add winters to the scene and its better ! It's difficult to blog for old fashioned ppl like me,i still am more comfortable writing than typing, or lets just say i still am able to distinguish between the two :P my twin co-relates writing instantly to typing, and pen paper is some non-existent entity for her which is used sporadically to sign on credit card bills !

From the look of it this looks like a long entry, and quite honestly thts is exactly wat i planned. But, i think ill sketch something instead ! (where's my pencil?)

Maybe one day ill upload scans of my written journal  !

100 facts about myself

1 : I am basically a geek deep down, behind the cool "facade"  
2: My grammar and spellings suck these days  
3: I am hell scared of my job.it's risky.  

4:I dont give a flying fuck abt cricket, but I can speak full name of W.P.U.J Chaminda Vaas,  

in one breath, its warnakudesuriya patabadige usantha joseph chaminda vaas.