The Song

Excerpts from the novel I am working On. The Prof writing his journal from the Prison's hospital. 

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It's a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen. Each time I think about you Nausheen I think of you in a different form and the song comes out in that fragrance of yours. It's like presenting you in a new form. Through my song. Through my art. And each time I think of you I find something new, and I add something new to my songs. A rainbow's spectrum can end with its seven colors, the sunflower can stop its search at the sun, the dream can stop its search the stars. My search never ends, my thirst never quenches. I'll never find the complete you. I'll never make that complete song.It's because I've never met you.My song will keep improving and will be new forever.  Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen. 

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen. Whatever I achieve in life seems insignificant if you're not next to me. Each day I accomplish things worth one life. Doesn't matter. So I keep achieving, but it's never enough. Enough is a wrong word here. "Insignificant" is more like it. Success is such an insignificant entity. It keeps piling up and it doesn't matter. Stars, Nausheen...are insignificant if there's no light to make them visible. They might be there but they can't be seen. They're insignificant. Being alive and just standing next to you could have been an achievement had you been there with me. I'd slip out of the bed quietly, go to the next room and dance. I would HAVE to dance. Else I'd go mad with suffocation of Joy.I'd dance to celebrate another day with you. Had you been there with me that is. Now that you're not there, it doesnt matter.I could achive in a day more success more beauty more wealth more love one could get in 10 lives. It's all insignificant.

Keeps me humble.

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen.

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen.Makes me a simple man. Needs can be many, wants are none Nausheen. Forget being your man, if I got a chance to stand even in the same room as yours and have a look at you, I'd be content for life.I could die happy the very next moment. I haven't seen you. haven't met you. I am not content.I'm not dying. It's a good thing. Makes me a simple man. Wants are none. I just have a smile to offer if someone asks me what I want. Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen.

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen.There's this detachment I've got for everyone I meet or I get close to. I like them. I can do anything for them. Yes. But I am incapable of loving them. A soul without a shrine they say, is the one who can't love. You are my shrine. You're not with me. I dont love anyone. They could be dead next minute. Doesn't make a fucking difference. Saves me from the trap.THe trap called Love. Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen.

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen. Makes me sad. Sad on a persistent basis. So I put on a mask. Of being happy on a persistent basis. People ask me and wonder how I am ALWAYS so happy. Dumb creatures don't realize that the man with the deepest grief has the strongest mask of happiness on his face. Greek Tragedy I say. Strong mask helps me manipulate people well though. Also when the heart is insignificant one focuses more on the brain. I use just the brain. And boy do I use it well.No emotions. I can hurt people well because I dont see anyone as sad as I am.  All thanks to you Nausheen. 

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen!!!

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen!!!

Its a good thing I haven't met you Nausheen!!!

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Papers snatched away from the prof. 

   

Beauty and the Beast

Scene I : 5 Year Olds

Kunal : Can I go play with Nausheen?

Randomness: No.

Kunal: Why?

Randomness: She is playing the pretty princess in the play. What's your achievement?

Kunal: [To Mommy] : What's achievement mommy?

Scene II:  7 Year Olds

Kunal: I won the toffee race. I scored 500/500 in grand total of final exams. Principal suspected that I cheated so he called me in office to rewrite my exams.I was scared of the big office so I started crying. Later when mommy took me inside and gave me a small soft toy cow to play with I wrote my exams again. I scored 500/500 again. :) Also I dance well. Can I play with Nausheen now?

Randomness: NO!
Kunal : Why?

Randomness:  You're not tall enough.

Kunal: Tall?

Scene III : 15 year Olds

Kunal: I am the captain of the basketball team. I got the Mayor's medal back for school in Basketball after a gap of 23 years. I run very fast you know. I got a gold medal in 100 Meters. I swim. I play basketball in freezing cold and Blistering Heat. I qualified for the National Talent Search Examination.People say I am crazy. I went to a doc. My IQ was tested to be 138. I am also hopeful that I might get slected as lead singer of the school's official band.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I wrote something for her.Something like a poem
Can I read it to Nausheen?

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?
Randomness: She won the local beauty pageant this year man. She is out of your league.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene IV: 17 year olds

Kunal: I topped the national engineering exam. I scored 36/60 in the Physics mains which according to some is un-thinkable. I make statues out of wood. I am representing g the country in physics olympiad.I've read almost all the classics.  I read the Odyssey and my critical analysis was hard bounded and kept in literature department. I am in the Drama team. Yesterday when the guy from the debate backed out the last moment because he got nervous, I stepped in to speak im promptu and secure second prize anyway. I started writing. I got an electric guitar. And in spite of my academic stuff, I am basically on a sport's scholarship.I am tall.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I carved a statue out of wood for her.Should I ask Nausheen for the prom?

Randomness: No

Kunal : Why?

Randomness: A)Nausheen IS the prom queen....B) She is way out of your league. She won a beauty pageant for fuk's sake!!! C) She is going out with a millionaire.She is out of your league man.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene V : 23 Year Old

I didn;t ace though the engineering school. But I found myself. I am a quizzer now. I won the IEEE All Asia quiz by a tie braker. I won regional round of mastermind. I took World War II as my subject and cracked 17/20 which is a record.I dance not on floors but in dance battles. My final year project went on to be an international paper. I am the lead singer of a rock band. I am still into arts a lot.I teach myself. I finished cubism and while studying surrealism I painted Dali. I got a gold medal in basketball again. I was honored by United Nations for my writing in my final year. And I got an amazing Job. I wont have a boss. And I am paid more than an entire floor of a normal office. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a song.Ill go sing it for her?

Randomness: No...you won't.

Kunal : Why?

Randomness: Look at her. You think she is out of your league?

Kunal: [Gazing at her] : Ah! Of course. [Leaves]

Scene VI : 27 year olds

Kunal: I quit my job. I started a website. It not only earns in millions but it also helps people in a way no one could ever imagine. I got an award from United Nations again. This time for my site. I am earning more than I could need in a thousand lives. My book turned out to be well. I was awarded the BBC award for it.They tell me I started a new genre. I play guitar like a dream now. I got a WW2 1943 vintage motorcycle for myself. I am a serial entrepreneur now. In spite of my bachelor's in Chemical Engineering, I got my master's in History. I am expecting the Dean's medal. I invested in a very flashy car. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a sketch for her.

Ill go give it to her.

Randomness: No...you won't.

Kunal : Why?

Randomness: She is getting married. To some randomness she knew ever since she was a kid. Its a dream love story.And she is way out of league of wannabe's like you.

Kunal: Oh ! 

Scene VII :  Unknown Time.


I think I know what's achievement now. Everyone feels differently about it. Some people feel satisfied. Some feel greedy.Some are humbled.  I feel insignificant. Anything I ever achieved and will ever achieve, will be insignificant without her.
But its not that I don't think what it would be like to be with her.  I do. What it would be like to live with her? I look at the empty seat at the side of my car and wonder what it would be like if Nausheen was here. Gives me goosebumps. I wonder wat it would be like to wake up in the morning and look at her sleep? I was thinking the other day what it would be like to talk to her when I was in a problem or when i would be upset. All problems would seem so insignificant,No?


Thought of it, just the thought of it makes my heart warm. So warm that it makes sun look like an icecube.  Only thing which becomes clear is the insignificance of it all. In the guise of a Prince, basically I am a Pauper. Without her.


  

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made another song for her.

Ill go sing to her.

Randomness: No

Kunal : Why?

Randomness: You're dead. So is she








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Kunal Mathur