Quixotic Quagmires: February 2011

Part of growing up they say is finding about youself, your persona, you identity, your strengths , your weakness.
Which reminds me of a very famous quote by Mr Albert Camus, the absurdist............

"At 30 a man should know himself like the palm of his hand, know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures - be what he is. And, above all, accept these things."

Personality, comes from the word persona, which in turn comes from sona. Greek Roots!! "Sona" means "sound" in Greek.

In Greek theaters, actors had masks on their faces and they communicated through sounds. This is the essence of concept called a personality. Its Fake............... It's how you mould yourself to your stimuli. It's what you "pose'.

Jesus, Buddha, Mahavir were people with zero personality. They had individuality. They were what they were...No modification according to the surrounding. Stark naked when it came to them as individuals....

Zero Personality, 100% Individuality.

I just saw a Japanese anime movie called "Perfect Blue"........A warped, genius monster of a movie who will claw you and yank the strings of your mind till you get so uncomfortable in your seat that you'll wish you could scratch your nails on the screen.

The movie depicts a young girl who's a pop idol and then switches her career to become an actress. The clash of identities, the ever lasting battle of heart vs mind for what you want to be.... and what you become ..........governs the heart of this monster which keeps beating the question "to be or not to be" in your ear.

There are times when you suddenly don't recognize the person you see in the mirror...There are times when you wish the person in the mirror was someone else.........And there are times when the person you see the person is actually a completely different person from what you are within...........

Come to think of it, Just like what I am writing, everything in life is random. There are a special set of circumstances which result in making you what you are, and they're never in your control. Luck, order, symmetry, serendipity, co-incidences...sounds such bull crap when you look at the structure of the universe in general !!!

Universe is designed in a manner such that entropy of the universe keeps increasing.Entropy means disorder...Entropy means randomness.........You live in a universe which is designed to increase the randomness....... continuously..........

Is there a limit to it????

Interesting question..........I come back to space paradox I mentioned in one of my previous blogs...[or did I?? ] anyhoo.......If you take the term "space", you get a picture in your mind in which u have a set of coordinates having a starting point and an end point. In Non Mathematical Lingo [ie non fuked up lingo] , when you envisage the term "space" , you have an end in mind already.......but continuous increase in randomness calls for extra space.....on a perpetual consistent basis........

Point being, there is absoultely no way we could grasp the absurdity of the universe.........If you think what I am rambling here is basically an Icelandic Overweight Sea Elephant's Shite than please realize that there is a seperate branch of philosophy called Absurdism of which Soren Kerkegaard and Albert Camus are Daddies....[Camus won the Nobel ].... Nihilism /Existentialism have stemmed out of this............

It's real bad when you realize there's nothing like Life being "fair". Its all random. Its surprising how come Randomism isn't a religion in itself. It'll teach the person to accept the misfortunes which happen suddenly and to handle the success at the same time.

But then even though randomness might prevail, I refuse to accept that there is no meaning, no structure, no hidden truth, no ultimate tranquility........I guess that's how a human mind is structured.......any species mind for that matter..........because this feeling of nothingness, the realization of the fact that in the end we are random puddle of chemicals splattered across pieces of stones which float aimlessly across a space which is not even defined.

It will make me stop thinking about tomorrow. That's what happens when one becomes a hermit. You are so aware of your present that you are not bothered about your future.....

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"The one who becomes concious of what he is now, expects nothing further"

Everyone looks desperately towards their future. The future is what drives the life. We live our present in pursuit of future. This is how the structure is, you dont have to be a struggling protagonist of an inspirational novel figthing your way towards a brighter future, but unconciously, life takes structure so as to pursue the future.

There's this thirst which never quenches, that urge...to rush into the future....so much so that we are like fishes out of water if our lives were reduced to a standstill and we were forced to live in the present.

The nature, in it's incredibly boring existence of infinite universe and unending time, extracts few drops of jest by turning our future into our present the next day, thereby throwing us into the vicious circle again.......

The struggle continues......the fight.......like a bird sans feathers trying hard to take a flight..........it just continues

Then there are those who stop the quixotic chase, escape the quagmire ........ become aware and satisfied with what they have in their present.......

The struggle stops........the tranquility reigns..........

Is the one who's concious of his present truly blessesed???

They are........... according to me, the abandoned ones in the limbo ......destined to endure and listen the charring of their life from heaven by fire from hell !!!