Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hush the Mush

So today morning I woke up to see this extreme mush story on my friend Mojo's wall. Both of us couldn't agree more on how fuking funny it was..... 
Ok so here it goes : 

Girl: I'm having my operation now I love you.

The girl lays on operation bed.
Boy stands there with watery eyes without saying I love you too.

Girl finishes heart transplant, the boy is gone.

Girl: Nurse where is he?

Nurse says: They didn't tell you who's heart they gave you, did they?

Nurse hands the girl a note

Girls reads note

''I told you it was yours'' ?...

Yeah okay you can have your Aww moment now.

But here’s what my friend wrote for it : “m so unhappy the story ended so quickly. It was treat reading this

And I was like…Okayy…..why not complete the story J
So here comes my version now :

Gal: Damn he shud have told me, i wanted his blue eyes too
And my liver if possible, too many drinks lately u see.....they dont call me drunk whore for nothing
And where the fuck is his will?
And who's gonna own the bastard in my belly now?

"He waaaaaaa?"

And as if this wasn’t enough , I went on

Doc: He gave away his heart for ur transplant
Gal: But I came here for a Boob Job ? Who the fuck took his heart away?
Russian Mafia in Background: Oops !

Friday, December 9, 2011

Behind the Bars

Fighting in hell under a thousand red shining moons, 
He ran so hard to escape from his boons.
Quixotic Knight walks in humming the Lucifer's tunes,
And now you push the bartender to open his old wounds?

Monday, November 28, 2011


One of the surest places to find spirituality is not some Ashram in some god forsaken corner on a hill, not some magnanimous marble temple, not some cult gathering where people are chanting and you are poking a hot candle your hand !

It's in that dingy dark corner of a bar where some half drunk uncle is trying to impress a random chic with his totally lost philosophy.

That't the thing with girls, when they listen, they're probably better listeners than that old bartender in some irish pub where you find same people people sitting on the seats for last 80 years or so !

Anyways, back to the half drunk uncle, I overheard him bragging something about "FAITH" to my friend Tanya from London!

Thing with Tanya is, she is a lot into spirituality and all that.....and she is hauntingly beautiful. 
So the moment "discloses" her ardent fervor for spirituality [or rather unleashes it ...] , All the men around her turn into Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Osho,crammed into a Yoga drink with a dash of zen and meditation in it :l 

So the uncles goes on, " Tanyaaaa, end of the daaayyyyy....[pls note the terrible Punjaabi fake accent with extreme slur]...Tanyaaa...Tanyaa jiiiii......end of the days, it iz all about the faith u know......You know, this iPhone for instance, you have this because you have faith ji, u will stay with it. I also have faith.......on my dog. Thats why i never subscribe newspapers ji.......he always steals it from neighbours you see.....I HAVE TRAINED IT MYSELF PERSONALLY Tanya Ji ...."

Tanya , being the good gal that she is, keeps listening. 

And while driving back, I just happened to ask

Knight:  "Tanya, you really think it's all about faith?"
Tanya:  "What?"
Knight: "I mean, isn't faith something like blind trust? One gets stuck in it? No?"
Tanya: " Just coz I didn't puke on his face and didnt gauge out his eyes with a fork doesnt mean I wont do the same with yours "
[ giving "Oh-FUK yea-I-am-Uma Fukin Thurman for KILL BILL-and YOU are BILL" Looks  ]

Not so good a gal after all ...THis Tanya...Ehh??

Analyzing the odds, grasping the look on her face and gauging the sincerity of her threat, I decided to shut up and keep driving.I was scared. Petrified, I think is a better word.
But then mind is such a thought slut you see, You just can't stop it ........
Faith, is one of the most fucked up concepts I've ever come across in my life.

You have faith, and you cling on to it. No One questions it, its a tool to make fools blind. Faith in the garb of religion has been used since times immemorial to control and dominate the societies.

It's like being that frog happily living in ignorance......

He has faith on his world.

But then, its nothing else but faith which helps countless number of people to balance and manage their morals and not indulge into deeds which are considered deplorable and evil by others. It's about the balance.

What is it then? This this thing about faith?

Sunday, November 27, 2011


"If you bring forth what is within you,
what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you,
what you do not bring forth will destroy you. "

-Gnostic Christ

One of the conditions which the 5 year neighbour kid kept for not pelling stones on me everytime I stepped out of my car was to "help" him out in his maths homework. Help basically implies that I sit and do his homework while he makes strange stone structure with the 4 year old girl next door.

So while I sat in one corner completing my share of work to attain my freedom, I saw that 5 year olds have the chapter called "Average" in their maths book.

Problem 1] There are two people weighing 56 Kgs and 44 Kgs respectively. What is  the average?
Problem 2] If the 56 Kgs guy is replaced by 96 Kgs, by how much has the average changed?

As I hand over the book and thank the kid for sparing me today requesting him not to include my name in his daily satanic rituals, I start thinking deep!


This word starts appearing in our lives earlier than you can ever imagine. It starts dominating our lives in ways more than we can ever imagine.
It's this average which determines the direction of our lives. Average represents mediocrity. Minimum departure from the routine. Minimal risk. Perseverance to maximize what we can while we still try to stay in the average!

Let me put it this way. You can divide Life's path in two basic directions. One path is of the "Average". Study, get a job, do well, try to do better, get married, get kids, take mortgage, spend your life paying it, build a decent "average" life, Die.

The average path represents minimal risks. But the most important thing to notice is that there is an "upper limit" to your achievements. You can be working in the office doing basic paper work, be an investment banker.  But there is a limit to the achievements which can happen to you. Ever heard of a front desk receptionist who changed the world? No matter how well she does her work and even if she spends her life working as an ideal employee, her contribution will make but a small difference to the organization as a whole.

Law of averages you see, even if weight of one sample size increases remarkably, the over effect on the average of the group is highly diluted.

Average life consists of professions and jobs which have an upper limit to success, one becomes a part of the crowd in it and works his life off. There are very conservative limits to the amount of success on can achieve here , but then plus side is that it offers minimal risks.

Then there is the other path which is "Extreme". Maximum risks, but no limit to the success you can achieve.
Lets do an exercise, write down names of 5 most successful and famous people which come to you mind immediately.  

  1. .
  2. .
  3. .
  4. .
  5. .
Who are these people? Are they bankers? Engineers? Doctors in some fancy hospitals? Accountants? Lawyers?

They'll never be one of those. They'll be Politicians, Leaders, Artists, Actors, Authors etc.

Get the point?

"If you bring forth what is within you,
what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you,
what you do not bring forth will destroy you. "

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Purple Heart

Bruised and battered, scarred mind and eyes sore, 

medals clink and crutches creek as he bangs the door.

"I'm sorry young man" comes the answer

She doesn't live here anymore!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Soldier

Standing in lines, we were raised to follow
Chewed and thrown away like figs, we rot cursed and hollow.

The evening sun bleeds red, our veins are filthy drains
Our hearts hacked to pieces, our minds fettered in chains

My life despises me, death calls me a coward
My dreams flay me, Death angels please come forward

The pity of war I fight , the worth of blood I shed
The daemons haunt my senses, my soul they often behead

I smell blood, and I see smoke
I feel blood and I feel smoke
Shock, grief and pain I cause
Im cursed and sans the pause
I see blood and I see smoke
I drink blood and I breathe smoke

[The entry was result of one of those legendary poetry battles with Ninja Talented  Rohini Singh. I thank her for the exceptional contribution.One of the posts which makes the blog "less" quixotic]

In my closet after the war
I open one eye and look at you scar
I shut the door again, return to my chocolate bar
In my closet after the war
I wish I left, became a star

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Somnambulistic Samurai [कविता का शीर्षक ]

पांच बजे तडके तडके, यु ही नींद खुल जाती है 

नींद खुल जाती है तो email खुल जाती है
सामने एयर एशिया की चिट्ठी , जापान की return टिकट 
पांच हज़ार में आती है 

अब मेरे प्रिय मित्र , तुम्ही ये बतलाओ 
आंधी की तरह Tokyo क्यों ना जाओ ?

कहे Quixotic Knight,आधी नींद में 
चाय की जगह सुशी, कुश्ती की जगह सूमो 
छोड़ो रोज का स्यापा, चलो दुनिया घूमो

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Mutiny

Trapped in my trance, you bid adieu to the last chance
Face down in the mud, you watch the enemy dance.
Let me lie down here you say, for you embrace this utopia,
Living the lie, you blur the reality with nostalgia.

Yank the guitar strings, till they bleed,
Pay the price, for you've sown the seed.
Spitting on the gift of free will, you cling on to destiny,
Choke you eyes out, or follow the mutiny!

Keep pushing the stone up the hill, that's how the punishments are,
Here, let me show you the mirror, see your body charred
Don't start doing what you love, and you will perish,
It's upto you, this life which stings, or the life you cherish ?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Black Bucks INC…………….galaxies safest bank…….

NOTE: Pls highlight and scroll down to read. Step has been taken in view of security reasons.

Kunal Mathur
Black Bucks Inc

29th March, 3096.

I , Kunal Mathur  Declare My Bank Black Bucks INC…..the safest bank of the galaxy

Its funny that rest of the draft is pretty much about proving the second half of above statement…..for those who refuse to agree.

 We in  Black Bucks INC have customers as our first priority and since last time our official draft caused a paralytic stroke to quite a few of our readers;
We hereby promise to be as simple in our explanations as pushing a man down from stairs.

There we go………..(yes ……u may put on ur headphones and turn the volume on…..with the volume at a level that it feels ON…..saving our asses in the process !!!)

Black hole is an object predicted by general relativity with a gravitational field so powerful that even electromagnetic radiation cannot escape its pull.

A black hole is defined to be a region of space-time where escape to the outside universe is impossible. The boundary of this region is a surface called the event horizonNothing can move from inside the event horizon to the outside, even briefly.

We in Black Bucks INC create a black hole model for your money and other valuables…………….so that Just NOTHIN can Creep IN……..(that’s right Mr Ocean…..)……….Of cos……..unless god decides to rob u…..which I doubt…coz if god was kinda upset from u…he would simply get ur ass DOWN there.

So as we enter the phase after the great transgalactic robbery; where a quasar was used to pass through the matter wave gates……we assure you all that this is as good it gets….wats more…even god has decided to keep some half eaten apple here in case he kinda needs to reboot u know……..and strange bottles with “dinosaurs” written on them. This is ; as he says ; his toy in case he gets mad with “people” on earth. We in Black Bucks INC agree with god that it would be fun to watch “people” bein chased  by dinos……

Lookin forward to ur arrival.

(service charges free for those who did not read this and agreed straightaway that our bank was indeed the safest !!!!)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Croak

"30,000 feet from the ground, at least now I can be sure I won't hear his ugly RIDDIP again!!" he thought.

Buckle up soldier, Jump like a "FROG" at the count of three....

He stood there numb as rest of the troop dived!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Beauty and the Beast

Scene I : 5 Year Olds

Kunal : Can I go play with Nausheen?

Randomness: No.

Kunal: Why?

Randomness: She is playing the pretty princess in the play. What's your achievement?

Kunal: [To Mommy] : What's achievement mommy?

Scene II:  7 Year Olds

Kunal: I won the toffee race. I scored 500/500 in grand total of final exams. Principal suspected that I cheated so he called me in office to rewrite my exams.I was scared of the big office so I started crying. Later when mommy took me inside and gave me a small soft toy cow to play with I wrote my exams again. I scored 500/500 again. :) Also I dance well. Can I play with Nausheen now?

Randomness: NO!
Kunal : Why?

Randomness:  You're not tall enough.

Kunal: Tall?

Scene III : 15 year Olds

Kunal: I am the captain of the basketball team. I got the Mayor's medal back for school in Basketball after a gap of 23 years. I run very fast you know. I got a gold medal in 100 Meters. I swim. I play basketball in freezing cold and Blistering Heat. I qualified for the National Talent Search Examination.People say I am crazy. I went to a doc. My IQ was tested to be 138. I am also hopeful that I might get slected as lead singer of the school's official band.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I wrote something for her.Something like a poem
Can I read it to Nausheen?

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?
Randomness: She won the local beauty pageant this year man. She is out of your league.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene IV: 17 year olds

Kunal: I topped the national engineering exam. I scored 36/60 in the Physics mains which according to some is un-thinkable. I make statues out of wood. I am representing g the country in physics olympiad.I've read almost all the classics.  I read the Odyssey and my critical analysis was hard bounded and kept in literature department. I am in the Drama team. Yesterday when the guy from the debate backed out the last moment because he got nervous, I stepped in to speak im promptu and secure second prize anyway. I started writing. I got an electric guitar. And in spite of my academic stuff, I am basically on a sport's scholarship.I am tall.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I carved a statue out of wood for her.Should I ask Nausheen for the prom?

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: A)Nausheen IS the prom queen....B) She is way out of your league. She won a beauty pageant for fuk's sake!!! C) She is going out with a millionaire.She is out of your league man.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene V : 23 Year Old

I didn;t ace though the engineering school. But I found myself. I am a quizzer now. I won the IEEE All Asia quiz by a tie braker. I won regional round of mastermind. I took World War II as my subject and cracked 17/20 which is a record.I dance not on floors but in dance battles. My final year project went on to be an international paper. I am the lead singer of a rock band. I am still into arts a lot.I teach myself. I finished cubism and while studying surrealism I painted Dali. I got a gold medal in basketball again. I was honored by United Nations for my writing in my final year. And I got an amazing Job. I wont have a boss. And I am paid more than an entire floor of a normal office. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a song.Ill go sing it for her?

Randomness: won't.
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: Look at her. You think she is out of your league?

Kunal: [Gazing at her] : Ah! Of course. [Leaves]

Scene VI : 27 year olds

Kunal: I quit my job. I started a website. It not only earns in millions but it also helps people in a way no one could ever imagine. I got an award from United Nations again. This time for my site. I am earning more than I could need in a thousand lives. My book turned out to be well. I was awarded the BBC award for it.They tell me I started a new genre. I play guitar like a dream now. I got a WW2 1943 vintage motorcycle for myself. I am a serial entrepreneur now. In spite of my bachelor's in Chemical Engineering, I got my master's in History. I am expecting the Dean's medal. I invested in a very flashy car. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a sketch for her.
Ill go give it to her.

Randomness: won't.
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: She is getting married. To some randomness she knew ever since she was a kid. Its a dream love story.And she is way out of league of wannabe's like you.

Kunal: Oh ! 

Scene VII :  Unknown Time.

I think I know what's achievement now. Everyone feels differently about it. Some people feel satisfied. Some feel greedy.Some are humbled.  I feel insignificant. Anything I ever achieved and will ever achieve, will be insignificant without her.
But its not that I don't think what it would be like to be with her.  I do. What it would be like to live with her? I look at the empty seat at the side of my car and wonder what it would be like if Nausheen was here. Gives me goosebumps. I wonder wat it would be like to wake up in the morning and look at her sleep? I was thinking the other day what it would be like to talk to her when I was in a problem or when i would be upset. All problems would seem so insignificant,No?

Thought of it, just the thought of it makes my heart warm. So warm that it makes sun look like an icecube.  Only thing which becomes clear is the insignificance of it all. In the guise of a Prince, basically I am a Pauper. Without her.


It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made another song for her.
Ill go sing to her.

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: You're dead. So is she


Kunal Mathur

Monday, July 25, 2011

The man in the Iron Mask

 Clasp the palms of  both your hands on your face, covering it.And then press them tight......... Please ????

That's how the mask feels.The iron mask.

It has to be ON all the time. even if I am alone not visible to anyone. Even then.To say that THEY force me to keep the mask on would be a wrong statement. I have had it since such a long time that I can't imagine myself without it. Ive had it on ever since I was born. The size of the mask keeps changing. But it's ON, always.

It suffocates me, but its my identity. I feel vulnerable without the mask. Everybody around me wears it. We all wear masks. CLENCHED to our faces. TIGHT.

Now I know that if I let the mask go, Ill see my true inner self. But I am too scared to do it. Everyone around me is scared to do it. Scared of the vulnerability. Scared of what impending danger? We do not know, we are just ........scared.

There were times when people have removed their iron masks, its not unprecedented. They either died, or are now legends whom we pray to. They were one of us, but we can't imagine ourselves doing it.

But I dream about what it would be like to be free, to be without the iron mask. They sedate me, so that i do not think much about the present, and dream about a future.

It makes me bleed.It makes me feel like scratching myself till I bleed and scream till I lose my voice. 

I weep behind my mask. A lot of times

I want to go. Go where? I don't know.I found a mirror once. But Alas, we all looked the same. The masks, they're the same. For Everyone. I'd like to find myself. One Day.

Who Am I I make you curious is it?

I'm you...........................

-Kunal Mathur.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Prince and the Pauper

As a kid I had this small little black toy car which pretty much summed up my whole world at that point of time.I played just with that car in spite of the plethora of other toys, I ate with that on table, I danced around it, I slept with the car clenched in my fists.
And one day I  showed my little car to a boy almost my age, [slightly younger than me I reckon]. He was kid of the worker working on a railway track nearby. I was amazed to see how happy the kid was with that car. I gave it to him.

And when I was back mom realized I didnt have the beloved toy in my hand....... she was petrified, thinking the whole house will turn into a pandemonium now. I still remember her shocked look when I told her i gave it away to a roadside kid. When asked why???  I told her I didnt love the car as much as before.I spent more time with my new blue bicycle now. I was sure that car was sad about it. That kid will play with it, love it more.
My car will be happier.

I was invited the day before to the city palace for a dinner. An ultra snob place needless to point out.Strict Silence Zone, absolutely no honking of horn allowed. Now I took my 350 CC Enfield there, and the VRRROOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM of my bike echoed throughout the palace. The guests, the air, the walls of the palace , everything gawked at me with utter dismay. I am sure the king himself was looking for his double edged sword :P
So the guard comes up to me, tells me "Sir, this is a no horn zone"
I look at him with ultra cool straight face biker look :

"Two Things  a) I am just looking for a place to park, didnt blow no horn  b) I'm not horny right now anyways"

And I start speeding the bike in the Palace compound with the guards chasing me on foot, I reached a fountain and was going round and my peak I had four uniformed guards chasing me :)

The bike is a gift to me.From a friend of mine who crossed entire India on the enfield. 6000 Kms. Legendary ...I know.....but wait......I forgot to add.....she's a girl. She crossed the subcontinent alone on that bike. [Now you may shout LEGENDARY ]

It's been raining, and driving the bike in this season is an absoulute delight. The part when u drive looking up and raindrops are falling on your face ?? Its awesome. Often tears of joy gets mixed with the raindrops, nobody notices it, so its all good :)

That's the thing with giving. If you give something away, it automatically gets a legend attached to it.

This is something my dear friend Migule pointed out. I couldn't agree more. Let me introduce you dear reader to Miguel Candillas. A Spaniard, he had a very successful career before he decided to go on that trip to Asia which he always wanted.He's the funniest guy Ive ever met in my life. Amazing sense of humor. He can make you laugh more in 2 hours than u laughed in last two years of your life. An absolute delight to be with!! In Kuala Lumpur, his luggage got stolen. Miguel lost pretty much everything. Just his passport with him, Miguel lived on borrowed money, borrowed clothes...borrowed everything !! And its at this time when he realized the worthlessness of possessions. Speaking to me the other day he tells me he thanks god to have shown him this day. Unlike us who would have hyperventilated in such a situation, Miguel met his enlightenment. He volunteers for the Vipassna course, which is pretty much one of the most difficult tasks an individual can do. One has to wake up at 3AM and work all day.He also volunteered to teach baby little monks English in a monastery in Myanmar.He told me that its at these place he realized that in spite of having no possessions he was able to "give" so much to people !!! It humbled me. What do I have in me to give to others if all my material possessions were stripped off me????
    Miguel is on his way to become a monk.

His words struck me. "Everytime you give something, it gets a legend attached to it.It becomes more awesome"

So when u "give" away something from within yourself, like my friend here, then its not a thing....but rather its "You" who becomes a Legend.

Come to think of it...Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Lord Jesus.....they became legends not because of material things they give, its just that they shared themselves with others !!!

End of part I

And I was discussing about this concept of "sharing and giving" with a fellow blogger of mine.....[check her blog out at Esoteric World, an absolute delight I assure you !! ] . She points out that there are two aspects to the act of Giving....With and without the expectation to get something back.

This is a view most of you would share with her. We come across too many instances where the act of giving is carried out with a selfish mission in mind.

I disagree.

     Ed and Al Elrick-Fullmetal Alchemist
Touka Koukan - which means "equivalent exchange" in Japanese, forms the guiding philosophy behind the brilliant  anime called Fullmetal Alchemist

The Japanese philosophy goes like this :
 Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost

The converse to this is true as well. If you lose something, you gain something of equivalent value.

Think about it, even if someone does not expect any kind of materialistic return in lieu of an act of giving & keeps it completely discrete, even then, the person gains spiritually. he experiences that high, that joy of giving.
Thus,  purely selfless giving, as an Utopian concept which does not hold true in the realm of real world.
The self gratification and the absolute delight of giving in fact, can reach the proportions of addiction !!

We all know about Ashoka's transformation after the war of Kalinga. Few know the story of his latter years.
In his later years, Ashoka was desperate to be known as the greatest of all donors to the Faith of the Buddha.
[Source 1 , Source 2 He had, until then, gifted ninety-six crore by building the stupas and chaityas, holding the quinquennial festival, etc. It so happened that Ashoka's health began to fail, and he grew despondent, fearing he would be unable to fulfill his resolve. He therefore began sending gold coins regularly to the monastery.

The state funds started depleting due to Ashoka's charity. Sampadin,his grandson,  thereupon, ordered the treasurer not to disburse state funds. Ashoka, then, began to send the golden plates on which his food was brought to the monastery as offerings. Sampadin extended the ban to this too. Ashoka began to be served on silver dishes. He sent these as well. When silver was replaced by copper and then by clay plates, the king persisted in despatching those to monastery.

A day came when all that Ashoka had left was half of a myrobalan (amlaka) fruit. Taking it in his hand he summoned all his ministers and, very upset, asked them, “Who is now Lord of the earth?” All of them bowed to him and declared it was he. But Ashoka, his eyes clouded with tears, said:
“You lie to humor me. The only thing remaining under my rule is this half of an amlaka. Woe! O woe to sovereignty that is like the flood waters at the river-mouth! My commands are flouted like a river turned back by a cliff. Like an ashoka tree with its flowers plucked, its leaves shriveled and fallen, this king is drying up.”
Ashoka than called a passer-bye and said, “My friend, though I have fallen from power, do this last task for me, out of regard for my past virtues. Take this my half-amlaka, and offer it to the monastery on my behalf, saying, ‘I offer you the present greatness of the king who ruled all of Jambudveepa’ and request to have it so distributed that it is enjoyed by the whole community of monks.”
The citizen faithfully performed his duty and offered the half of the fruit to the monastery saying it was from He who previously ruled the earth. 

Ashoka, being a chakravarti Samrat obviously never expected anything in return. But we can see how the feeling which he got in return made him dependent on it. 

It's a strange thing, this act of giving.You lose something, and gain something at the same time.

The line between the Prince and The Pauper, fades away !!!! 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

4.8 centimeters

Let the monk leave, rebel said. pressing his hand hard on his hidden knife. The sudden break in silence made the monk flitch, the knife was in air, past the monk's ear....................Knife.........She puts the knife across his throat, pressing him against the wall, warning him not to trouble her while making breakfast....he continues to grope her, with lust in his eyes..................eyes.........She never had eyes, so the way she looked at the world was very different than thos who could actually see it, her brother explained her that every time you change your mood, one's face completely changes. One is ugliest when sad, and the most beautiful form is when you are happy......she was pretending to be happy even at his funeral. He was 24..............Twenty Four.........Twenty four hours before the next flight arrives, and she was in a city she wanted to be ever since she was a lil princess of daddy, Moscow. She steps out, and the snow monster is ensconced over the City. The mystery soldier offers her a cigarette .........a cigarette? just keeps lying on floor , emitting the plume as the husband bangs her head against the mirror.....that the thing with unfinished cigarettes, they're just indifferent. Never leave a fucking cigarette half way, they are eyes of Satan............Satan......I don't know who I worship , the God or Satan, I am trying to find myself, the tasks which i carried out were dictated to me from a voice inside me, and If i dont know who it is My lord, who are u to label it....label.............the label of No smoking looms large as she lies dead on the floor of a shitty motel in Moscow, no more flight to catch......catch .......He catches her wrist, turns around and pushes her against the wall.Apparently the breakfast will be late, is the day when the little girl get to see for the first time through the eyes of her 24 year old dead runs to her brother's home after she slits her husband's throat with the broken mirror.....the unfinished cigarette still throwing the smoke.....smoke.....the rebel and the monk walk out of smoke filled room behind them....small tear in rebel's eye for the first time in his life.....Life......take the life of this psychopath hermit, the judge declares.
*4.8 centimeters is the average length of a cigarette.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Just like a writer's block, there's something called Writer's Tsunami also. [If not, then there should be :P].......Its the time when writer's otherwise blocked, indolent , numb, stupefied, paralyzed mind suddenly starts hyperventilating and you have a flood of ideas rushing in..........

I had this moment during my road trip to Goa.............there was this huge flood of ideas which started rushing when i was lying on the backseat of car. Exhausted, tired was a 45 Hrs drive :)

One of the ideas which hit me was to write something whenever i was in a particular state of mind. To write an entry when I was very very happy, when I was sad, Wen I was angry......When emotions had better of me.....

This is one such day perhaps......I am angry .........extremely angry..........frustrated perhaps..........Ive been so angry for last two days that first thing I did when I woke up today morning was to bang my fist on the wall..........Why am I angry??? Reasons I think are always too small to be discussed in front of things as mighty as emotions............

It's quite amazing though,from those who know me well...Ive always been someone neurotically happy to the bone.......Ive never seen myself much in emotions like anger , retaliation. So its okay to know the feeling.

It makes you feel small.........perfect antidote for hope.......and a tailor made catalyst for self doubt. I think one needs insecurity inside him to get angry and frustrated in the first place. I was looking over the net and its full of quotes and articles about how anger is a bad thing, how its a sign of weak people....Audaciously announcing that great people never get angry ..............

Yes I am angry.Yes I am frustrated.Yes I am weak.Yes I am mortal.I feel good. I feel perfect. I want to make people bad about themselves. i want to use whatever I have for something negative. Its like a mirror, might be a faded mirror, but I see a person who is a total loser. A person who couldn't achieve what he's set out to do.  Anger Blinds people says wise guy from I- dont- know -where -some -spiritual -fat- good for nothing- bullcrap book.........but I think it opens your eyes...............

A greasy fuking disgusting seal lying on a muddy rock sweating with its eyes closed. Enjoying the sun the seal is loving life with its eyes closed ......tossing from one reverie to another............thinking of itself as a magnificent seal owning the world without exception............and suddenly the eye opens and through the dense mud around the eyes the seal looks at the reflection...............Horrible, disgusting, repulsive, nauseous form of itself...............Good Morning .............Happy Realization.

I am not angry enough, I am more frustrated..............I am saving this entry ...........I am not posting it............Maybe I need to test different levels of Anger....Ill keep updating it when I'm angry next's a sweet little message for you.



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