Friday, July 29, 2011

Beauty and the Beast

Scene I : 5 Year Olds

Kunal : Can I go play with Nausheen?

Randomness: No.

Kunal: Why?

Randomness: She is playing the pretty princess in the play. What's your achievement?

Kunal: [To Mommy] : What's achievement mommy?

Scene II:  7 Year Olds

Kunal: I won the toffee race. I scored 500/500 in grand total of final exams. Principal suspected that I cheated so he called me in office to rewrite my exams.I was scared of the big office so I started crying. Later when mommy took me inside and gave me a small soft toy cow to play with I wrote my exams again. I scored 500/500 again. :) Also I dance well. Can I play with Nausheen now?

Randomness: NO!
Kunal : Why?

Randomness:  You're not tall enough.

Kunal: Tall?

Scene III : 15 year Olds

Kunal: I am the captain of the basketball team. I got the Mayor's medal back for school in Basketball after a gap of 23 years. I run very fast you know. I got a gold medal in 100 Meters. I swim. I play basketball in freezing cold and Blistering Heat. I qualified for the National Talent Search Examination.People say I am crazy. I went to a doc. My IQ was tested to be 138. I am also hopeful that I might get slected as lead singer of the school's official band.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I wrote something for her.Something like a poem
Can I read it to Nausheen?

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?
Randomness: She won the local beauty pageant this year man. She is out of your league.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene IV: 17 year olds

Kunal: I topped the national engineering exam. I scored 36/60 in the Physics mains which according to some is un-thinkable. I make statues out of wood. I am representing g the country in physics olympiad.I've read almost all the classics.  I read the Odyssey and my critical analysis was hard bounded and kept in literature department. I am in the Drama team. Yesterday when the guy from the debate backed out the last moment because he got nervous, I stepped in to speak im promptu and secure second prize anyway. I started writing. I got an electric guitar. And in spite of my academic stuff, I am basically on a sport's scholarship.I am tall.

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I carved a statue out of wood for her.Should I ask Nausheen for the prom?

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: A)Nausheen IS the prom queen....B) She is way out of your league. She won a beauty pageant for fuk's sake!!! C) She is going out with a millionaire.She is out of your league man.

Kunal: Oh!

Scene V : 23 Year Old

I didn;t ace though the engineering school. But I found myself. I am a quizzer now. I won the IEEE All Asia quiz by a tie braker. I won regional round of mastermind. I took World War II as my subject and cracked 17/20 which is a record.I dance not on floors but in dance battles. My final year project went on to be an international paper. I am the lead singer of a rock band. I am still into arts a lot.I teach myself. I finished cubism and while studying surrealism I painted Dali. I got a gold medal in basketball again. I was honored by United Nations for my writing in my final year. And I got an amazing Job. I wont have a boss. And I am paid more than an entire floor of a normal office. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a song.Ill go sing it for her?

Randomness: won't.
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: Look at her. You think she is out of your league?

Kunal: [Gazing at her] : Ah! Of course. [Leaves]

Scene VI : 27 year olds

Kunal: I quit my job. I started a website. It not only earns in millions but it also helps people in a way no one could ever imagine. I got an award from United Nations again. This time for my site. I am earning more than I could need in a thousand lives. My book turned out to be well. I was awarded the BBC award for it.They tell me I started a new genre. I play guitar like a dream now. I got a WW2 1943 vintage motorcycle for myself. I am a serial entrepreneur now. In spite of my bachelor's in Chemical Engineering, I got my master's in History. I am expecting the Dean's medal. I invested in a very flashy car. 

It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made a sketch for her.
Ill go give it to her.

Randomness: won't.
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: She is getting married. To some randomness she knew ever since she was a kid. Its a dream love story.And she is way out of league of wannabe's like you.

Kunal: Oh ! 

Scene VII :  Unknown Time.

I think I know what's achievement now. Everyone feels differently about it. Some people feel satisfied. Some feel greedy.Some are humbled.  I feel insignificant. Anything I ever achieved and will ever achieve, will be insignificant without her.
But its not that I don't think what it would be like to be with her.  I do. What it would be like to live with her? I look at the empty seat at the side of my car and wonder what it would be like if Nausheen was here. Gives me goosebumps. I wonder wat it would be like to wake up in the morning and look at her sleep? I was thinking the other day what it would be like to talk to her when I was in a problem or when i would be upset. All problems would seem so insignificant,No?

Thought of it, just the thought of it makes my heart warm. So warm that it makes sun look like an icecube.  Only thing which becomes clear is the insignificance of it all. In the guise of a Prince, basically I am a Pauper. Without her.


It's her Birthday today. I think true gift's are the one you make yourself. I made another song for her.
Ill go sing to her.

Randomness: No
Kunal : Why?

Randomness: You're dead. So is she


Kunal Mathur

Monday, July 25, 2011

The man in the Iron Mask

 Clasp the palms of  both your hands on your face, covering it.And then press them tight......... Please ????

That's how the mask feels.The iron mask.

It has to be ON all the time. even if I am alone not visible to anyone. Even then.To say that THEY force me to keep the mask on would be a wrong statement. I have had it since such a long time that I can't imagine myself without it. Ive had it on ever since I was born. The size of the mask keeps changing. But it's ON, always.

It suffocates me, but its my identity. I feel vulnerable without the mask. Everybody around me wears it. We all wear masks. CLENCHED to our faces. TIGHT.

Now I know that if I let the mask go, Ill see my true inner self. But I am too scared to do it. Everyone around me is scared to do it. Scared of the vulnerability. Scared of what impending danger? We do not know, we are just ........scared.

There were times when people have removed their iron masks, its not unprecedented. They either died, or are now legends whom we pray to. They were one of us, but we can't imagine ourselves doing it.

But I dream about what it would be like to be free, to be without the iron mask. They sedate me, so that i do not think much about the present, and dream about a future.

It makes me bleed.It makes me feel like scratching myself till I bleed and scream till I lose my voice. 

I weep behind my mask. A lot of times

I want to go. Go where? I don't know.I found a mirror once. But Alas, we all looked the same. The masks, they're the same. For Everyone. I'd like to find myself. One Day.

Who Am I I make you curious is it?

I'm you...........................

-Kunal Mathur.


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